How to Avoid Sabotaging Your New Relationship
New relationships are always fun and exciting, but they can also be scary and nerve-racking.
It's normal to fall into patterns driven by insecurities and past experiences, but it's easy to avoid these pitfalls if you're aware of them.
Read on for the best tips to avoid sabotaging your new relationship.
(Riverdale via The CW)
Don't Let Your Friends (or Their Online Personas) Get in the Way
We've all been there. We're scrolling through our feed when suddenly: Pop! Your best friend uploads a picture of two dozen roses her S.O. gifted her. Your mind starts swirling—why don't I ever get gifts like this? Wow. Her S.O. must really love her. Does my S.O. not love me like that… and on it goes.
Comparison is the No. 1 thief of happiness, so don't fall into that trap. Remember that social media is a collection of only the absolute best moments in someone's life. Your friends aren't posting the argument that prompted the roses or the times they've felt unsure about their relationship. Comparing your relationship to others will be a fast path to a downfall. Every relationship is unique and you should treat yours as such.
Never Start Arguments With 'You'
Feeling hurt happens from time to time. Whenever you find yourself in this type of situation, stop and think about what feelings are driving you there. Are you jealous? Insecure? Or has your partner really done something hurtful?
It's a rule of thumb to talk things out, but when you're about to embark on a timid conversation, don't start with "you." Starting a sentence with "you" can come out sounding accusatory. State how you personally feel by starting your sentences with "I." For example, instead of saying, "You are a terrible boyfriend, you were late," try saying, "I feel like you don't respect my time when you're late."
This simple trick will save you a lot of back and forth—trust us!
(Riverdale via The CW)
Don't Argue to Win
It's a sad reality, but arguing is bound to happen in a relationship. A tiff here and there shouldn't raise a red flag, but you should be paying attention to what fighting style you have. You should never argue with the intent to win, simply for the sake of winning. You should always argue with a clear intent to find out the truth and figure out how a situation can move your relationship forward. We typically fight with a goal to win and this won't help anyone involved.
Never Say Something Hurtful for Argument's Sake
Feeling fired-up during a disagreement can happen from time to time. A relationship golden rule is to never say something hurtful for argument's sake. We sometimes look for easy ammo when we feel backed into an argument corner. It's easy to reach for a cheap clapback in order to feel on even ground again. Nevertheless, once anger subsides, that mean comment will be something you'll never get to take back. It can haunt you, and most importantly, haunt your S.O. for a long time to come. Wounds heal, but scars can be left behind if we aren't careful.
(Riverdale via The CW)
Don't Be Crazy Clingy
Another easy way to make your relationship go south fast is by becoming clingy from the get-go. Give your new partner space and watch them ache for more time with you. If you feel like spamming their social channels and showing up at their practice after school, you can watch them run the other direction fast! Fill your life with meaningful activities that don't all involve your S.O. Being active and busy is attractive, and the time other activities take will naturally help you fall into a healthy schedule with the person you're dating.
Now that you've learned the rules for avoiding relationship sabotage, click HERE for a list of things you should never ever do during an argument!