How to Break Up With Someone You’re Still In Love With
There are so many reasons to end a relationship.
Sometimes it's cut and dry—you simply don't feel the same way about the person anymore. Other times, however, you can truly love someone and still feel that you need to move on. Whether you can't get past your incompatibilities, you know that things won't last long-term or you're simply growing in different directions, ending the relationship doesn't always come from a place of anger and hate.
Sadly, breaking up with someone you still love is the hardest type of split. How do you do it? How do you walk away from someone who still has part of your heart?
It isn't easy, but it is possible. Keep scrolling for a few tips on the best way to go about breaking up with someone you're still in love with.
Focus on Yourself
When you love someone, it's so tempting to put their feelings and needs ahead of your own. If you're going to walk away from someone you still care about, however, you have to focus on yourself. Before you head into the breakup conversation, take time to think about what you need. Look at your relationship and figure out why things aren't working for you. Don't let your partner's feelings enter the mix because it will only lead to confusion and pain. In this situation, it's okay to be a little selfish. In fact, you'll have to be in order to actually walk away from this person.
(Riverdale via The CW)
Understand the Why
While focusing on yourself is the first step towards getting in the right mindset, you also have to understand why you're breaking up with this person. When you head into the breakup conversation, your partner is going to ask questions. While you can't fix their pain, you can do your best to provide some sense of closure. In order to do that, you need to understand why this breakup is the best move. Whatever your reasoning may be, make sure that you can explain it in a clear and succinct way. Understanding the why will help you stay strong when the time comes, and it'll provide an explanation that might ease your partner's pain.
Prepare a Speech
Normally we wouldn't suggest planning out a full breakup speech. But breaking up with someone you love is bound to be incredibly emotional for you. It's easy to get caught up in your feelings and fail to explain the full reasoning behind your decision. Not only that, but you can also lose track of your goal in the emotion of the moment, delaying your breakup even further. Planning out a breakup speech allows you to get out everything you need to say and follow through with your decision, even though it may be tempting to change your mind in the moment. You don't have to recite your speech word for word, but planning out a monologue helps provide a rough outline of everything you want to say.
Don't Give In
Breaking up with someone you love is so dang hard. Even if you know it's the right decision and you've spent weeks thinking it through, everything can change when you're finally faced with the reality of losing this person. But no matter how hard it is in the moment, don't give in. You chose to break up with your partner for a reason. Those reasons aren't going to magically disappear simply because you've had an emotional conversation. If you change your mind and decide not to break up with them, you're right back where you started. When you make the decision, stick to it. It's painful in the moment, but it's the right choice in the long run.
(The Vampire Diaries via The CW)
Mourn the Loss
Breaking up with someone you love is going to hurt. No matter how sure you are in your choice, not having them in your life anymore is going to be painful. Don't think that you can simply skip the sad stage just because you were the person initiating the split. You're going to be in pain for a while, so give yourself time to mourn the loss. Cry out all your tears, watch sad movies and take plenty of bubble baths. Trying to blow past the sad stage will only prolong your healing. Mourn the loss of an important relationship and give your heart some time to heal.
Build a Support System
Before you even break-up with your partner, you should find yourself a support system. Tell close friends and family what you're planning and ask them to help you through it. While you should mourn your loss, you shouldn't dwell on it. Surrounding yourself with solid friends who understand your pain is a good way to distract yourself from the hurt you're feeling. Whether you need to talk things through or you simply want to have people around, a good support system will be crucial to your healing. Plus, it will keep you from sitting in your feelings and rethinking your decision, which could cause you to go back to your ex.
Take Time Apart
The hardest part about breaking-up with someone you love is readjusting to life without them. While you may get through the actual breakup unscathed, the defining moment will come days and weeks after the split, when you start to miss the constant companionship of this person. In those moments, it's tempting to reach out to your ex, but you shouldn't do it.
Even if you just want to have a normal conversation, you're setting back your healing. Each new contact keeps you from adjusting to life without them because they're not really gone. In order to solidify your breakup, you have to take some time apart. It's possible that the two of you could be friends in the future, but the aftermath of the split requires you both to heal separately. If you fail to do that, you'll likely end up right where you started—in love with someone you can't be with.
(Friends via NBC)
Looking for more breakup advice? Click HERE to find out if you should block your ex on social media after a breakup.