Want to Boost Your Confidence and FINALLY Talk to Your Crush? This Expert Reveals How
Being a teenager is rough.
It's a time of self-discovery, confusion and a whole lot of self-doubt.
If you're struggling to navigate through life's daily struggles and could use a little extra help, we've got just the thing for you—internationally recognized psychotherapist Lisa Ferentz' book, Finding Your Ruby Slippers: Transformative Life Lessons from the Therapist's Couch.
No matter what you may be dealing with, Lisa's book will guide you through it step-by-step, revealing new and exciting ways to overcome obstacles, boost your confidence and end all those nasty self-critical thoughts once and for all.
We had the opportunity to chat with Lisa and get her real and thoughtful advice on how we can boost our self-esteem, exude confidence and learn and grow today.
Scroll below to see what she had to say!
Sweety High: In your book, you talk a lot about the power of journaling. Why do you think journaling is such a powerful strategy for personal growth?
Lisa Ferentz: I think it's great for multiple reasons. Teens in particular have such an external focus in their lives—they are often on the internet, they are on digital technology and they are very involved with social media. They're very connected and concerned about peer acceptance.
All of those things promote what I call an outward focus or an external focus. When you journal, it allows you to have an internal focus. An internal focus allows you to really tap into your most authentic thoughts and feelings.
Journaling is a safe way for teens to process some of the challenges and difficulties that they face in the course of a school day or even difficulties they're experiencing at home with their families. Journaling also allows people to get really honest with their thoughts. There is an element of privacy that allows for this honesty, and when you journal and you go back and reread what you've written, you can really gain insight on what it is you're really thinking, feeling and wanting.
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SH: Do you have any mantras you recommend we say to ourselves every morning to boost our self-esteem?
LF: Yes, definitely! At the end of the day, regardless of what's going on in anybody's life, there is nothing more powerful than the way we talk to ourselves about ourselves. That kind of overrides any other external messages that we're getting.
I think there are some basic things you can say to yourself to create the foundation of self esteem.
Here they are:
1. "I am a lovable person." Just bottom line, no matter how much you weigh, no matter what you look like, no matter what is going on in your family, you are a lovable human being.
2. "I have the right to be treated with respect." You have the right to be treated with kindness. That's a very fundamental core belief that you need to have.
3. "I have the right to say no." Especially for a teenager, this is a really powerful mantra. Teens are so concerned with peer acceptance that sometimes they say yes when they really want to say no.
4. "I have the right to make mistakes." Why? Because it's human and if you give yourself permission to make mistakes, then you can reduce some of the shame that might come up when you inevitably do make mistakes.
5. "I have the right to ask for help and support." I think again a lot of teenagers believe they have to go through difficulties alone. That's not true.
SH: What is the best way to exude confidence when you don't know anyone in a social setting or want to talk to your crush?
LF: The truth is, we are more tuned into the nonverbal communication of people than the verbal. Our eyes and our brains go right to the nonverbal stuff like body language.
I recommend you practice your posture for when you are in these situations. Focus on standing tall and practice making eye contact—how you hold your body and your ability to look someone in the eye can make a huge difference.
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I would also recommend you practice in front of the mirror. Even if you are introverted, just know that socializing is a skill that you can practice and gain mastery over. A lot of it is just looking at yourself in front of the mirror and talking to yourself.
Notice your tone of voice—you want to be assertive, you want to make statements that are definitive and not wishy-washy. Don't say things like "sorta, kinda, maybe." We want to take that out of our vocabulary and practice making statements with purpose, that are definitive and that don't have disclaimers in them.
SH: What are some good talking points when you don't know somebody but you want to get to know them better?
LF: Believe it or not, the best way to begin a connection is to express interest in the other person. So I often coach people to think of a few questions to ask the person they want to talk to that express interest in that other person. That's a really good way to begin.
You should also have two or three talking points about yourself because you don't want the conversation to just be about the other individual. It's a good starter though because it says to the other person I'm interested in you, I'm curious about you, and that draws people in!
Looking for a great book that reveals all the struggles of being a teenager? We've got you covered! Check out THESE details on Let's Be Real, Natasha Bure's new and totally honest book about your pivotal teenage years.