How to Navigate Roommate Conflicts in College

Conflict is never easy, especially when it comes to conflict with a person you have to share a living space with.

Unfortunately, roommate drama can be all too common—particularly if it's your first time living with someone else (other than your family) in college. Whether it's your first time or your fifth time living with a roommate though, there are some things you can do to navigate natural conflicts that occur in a healthy and effective way. These can include:

Understanding the 'Honeymoon Phase'

Like all relationships, a roommate relationship comes with a "honeymoon phase." During this time, you'll think that everything is as perfect as can be—you're decorating together, coordinating schedules, staying up late watching movies and maybe even cooking together. After about six weeks though, things might start to shift, but that's completely normal. Conflict is natural, so long as you know how to navigate it.

(via Shutterstock)

 

Also read about: 5 Stereotypes About College That Aren't Always True

 

Knowing When It's Worth Speaking Up

Some roommate conflicts are really just minor annoyances that have spiraled out of control, so it's good to know when something is bothersome enough to speak up about vs. when it's something that you can let slide. After all, no one is a "perfect" roommate (not even you), so you're bound to feel annoyed with some of your roommate's tendencies after having to share a space with them for some time. But if it's a consistent behavior that's driving you to the point of feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed within your own home, then you have every right to speak up about it.

 

Never Voicing Anything Out of Anger

It can be all too easy to send an angry text or knock on your roommate's door when you've just had to deal with the consequences of something that you deem to be bad roommate behavior, but this may not be worth it in the long run. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and take the time to calm yourself before you use your words in a way that leads to retaliation or a fight that ends without a resolution.

 

Avoiding Passive-Aggression

Similarly, you might want to avoid conflict entirely by leaving a note that references something your roommate did (or did not do, like the dishes or taking out the trash). However, this can easily lead to more conflict rather than less, as your roommate might take this personally and start being hyper-critical of things that you do around the dorm or apartment. While it might be uncomfortable for you if you're fairly non-confrontational, it's much more worth it to speak your mind in a way that your roommate can respond to in a healthy and collaborative way.

(via Shutterstock)

 

Being Mindful of Your Own Roomie Tendencies and Behaviors

Before you start criticizing your roommate's behaviors, take a long and hard look at your own—from their perspective. Have you ever done anything that might be worth speaking up about? Whether it's leaving the door unlocked at night, leaving your dirty dishes around all the time, eating their food without asking, bringing friends over a little too often or any other tendency that could be deemed annoying, remember that you probably aren't all that "perfect" either. No one wants to look like a hypocrite, so be careful about the things you speak up about before you end up becoming one.

 

Also read about: The 7 Types of People You'll Meet in College

 

Approaching Things in the Right Way

If your roommate is also extremely non-confrontational, try bringing up the annoyance in a non-direct way that feels natural. You know what this person is like day in and day out, so you'll know what might be received in a good way or a bad—or very bad—way. No one wants a roommate conflict to turn into a full-on roommate fight, so be sure to be mindful about how you broach the subject of your issue.

(via Shutterstock)

 

While roommate problems can arise, there are also plenty of things that are great about having a roommate, especially in college. Click HERE for more insider information about what to know about having a roommate in college.