How Kat Cunning Learned to Accept Loss and Put Themself First With ‘Heart of Gold’
Actor, dancer, model and singer-songwriter Kat Cunning is a human of many talents, and they're on full display with their first single of 2024, "Heart of Gold."
The non-binary star has a very big year ahead, including a film role opposite Jacob Elordi and Daisy Edgar Jones in On Swift Horses and joining G Flip on their Drummer Tour, as well as a debut EP, and "Heart of Gold" is just a small taste of what's to come. Featuring Kat's incredible vocals, at once delicate and soaring, the track builds from a quiet, piano-driven track to something anthemic and inspiring as they sing of the power of learning to let go and finally putting themself first over clinging on to false hope. It's an especially powerful message in these trying times, and we got the chance to ask Kat precisely what the song means to them, and why releasing it now is so meaningful.
The Story Behind 'Heart of Gold'
Kat Cunning: It may come as no surprise that I'm a romantic. But when I think of the word, I think more of like Roman and Greek tragedy. I wrote "Heart of Gold," which I almost named "HOG," coming out of a breakup from one of those epics. The song is about becoming attached to people who bring out the worst in you, but holding onto hope in spite of your health. I fall, even though "I should know better," and I just barely declare it's over when I say, "we're not dancing anymore." It's about genuinely wanting to see the good in people even when a relationship turns sour and learning how to separate that appreciation for someone from justification to stay. I have so much compassion for people who love hard, learn through love and for relationships that seek to heal trauma. But this song is about giving yourself permission, even when you have operatic-level feels for someone else, to put your health first.
What 'Heart of Gold' Means
KC: I thought the song was about love at the time, but looking back, I realize it was more about facing loss and facing my own mental health. When I say "I'm awake, I'm alive" in the second verse, I mean that quite literally. I needed to write this song to affirm my will to live, and I needed to forgive myself for what felt like failure, in so many facets of my life.
I took over a year to share this song. I am embarrassed to say I put a lot of pressure on myself to keep performing well on Instagram in the height of my depression because it was an outlet I had some control over while it felt like my environment was chaotic. But, I am so glad I kept this healing journey to myself and sat with these feelings until I was ready to share this song. I hope it reminds people that it's okay to take time with raw feelings before rushing to express or exploit them online.
(Photo credit: McCall Olsen)
Also read about: How Kat Cunning Encapsulated the Beauty of Falling in Love With 'Could Be Good'
Kat's Favorite Lyric
KC: "You hold me like a jailor, you torture like a lullaby."
To be honest, I love the entire poem of this song, top to bottom. There is not a single lyric I didn't take care and intention to deliver, that didn't come straight out of the fibers of my guts. Those are the kinds of lyrics I love. The ones that are bold and specific and evoke something in me, even if I don't yet know why.
(Photo credit: McCall Olsen)
Kat's Advice for Practicing Forgiveness
KC: Practice forgiving yourself for being a human who inherited all kinds of trauma in a world full of people who got their own load, not to mention the whole other dump we inherited globally. Just practice zooming out on how crazy it is that we're all just here trying to get a crumb to keep being here till we're not here anymore, and we're in that together. I have hope that we're creative enough to make that mundane task beautiful.
(Photo credit: McCall Olsen)
Also read about: How a Secret Crush Inspired Kayla DiVenere's Latest Single, 'Small Talk'
What's Next
KC: Going on tour with G Flip in May! We are going to tear up the stage and you get two non-binary dad heartthrobs in one. It's going to truly be an iconic and very live show you don't want to miss. I'll also be teasing some music from my debut EP, and there are a couple movies in the can that will be coming out this year, including On Swift Horses where I act alongside Daisy Edgar Jones and Jacob Elordi.
Final Thoughts
KC: I made the visuals with my darling family Baylie and McCall Olsen, who I know from years of dancing together. There's nothing like the shared language of dancers and these are the only people I would trust to give a performance this raw in only two takes in a garage (also run by our extended dance community). Have to shout out the only person new to me on the day, Tre Johnston, who slotted right in lighting us beautifully on the VHS camcorder we shot with.
Fun fact: All the dancing you see in the video is actually to Echo and The Bunnymen.
Go watch it in a dark room, alone, when you're ready to receive the poem that is "Heart of Gold," from the bottom of my guts to you.
(Photo credit: McCall Olsen)
For more on the latest music that has us obsessed, click HERE to read our interview with Jelani Aryeh on his new single, "Sweater Club."