5 Hilarious Shakespearean Insults to Enjoy on Shakespeare Day
Today is William Shakespeare's birthday. If he were immortal, he'd be 461. Although Shakespeare won't be physically with us in 2025, his groundbreaking stories live forever.
Everyone always talks about his heart-wrenching, romantic tragedies, but something equally iconic lurks in his catalog: his insults.
In celebration of Shakespeare Day, have a hearty laugh by reading these five clap-backs. Hey, it might even inspire the perfect response for your next argument.
'Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.' — As You Like It
Have you ever heard someone say something so mindless that you wonder if their brain works? Shakespeare suggests silly comments are a symptom of a "dry brain." Check out this one-liner from As You Like It, which compares the mind to a chalky biscuit. The modern equivalent might be a fast food biscuit…
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'Though art a boil, a plague sore.' — King Lear
Sometimes, people feel like an energy drain. Whenever they walk into the room, they bully and invalidate you. In King Lear, Shakespeare knows the emotion too well. As a result, the character compares the person to a "boil, a plague sore." Now that is something we would never want to be compared to.
Also read about: 11 Romeo and Juliet Quotes for Your Angstiest Instagram Captions
'The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.' — The Comedy of Errors
At Sweety High, we would never encourage you to call someone ugly, but toxic behaviors will make you hurl insults left and right, even if they are low jabs.
In The Comedy of Errors, for example, you knew someone was up to no good when they entered the room. They just had that look on their face. It's the kind of expression anyone would fear, thus: "The tartness of his face sours ripe grades."
'I'll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.' — Timon of Athens
Ever despise someone or something so much that it's a waste of time to use any energy on it? That's exactly what this quip from Timon of Athens says. Hypothetically, they could send their worst remark. But why do that? It's not worth getting your hands infected over.
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'I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets.' — As You Like It
This message from As You Like It leans into the backhanded compliment category. But you will feel the sting once you understand what it really implies. The character claims to be sharing this business advice from the good of their heart. But it definitely hurts to know your work is a hot commodity, no matter how you say it!
Searching for even more Shakespeare content to dive into? Click HERE to discover five Shakespeare retellings we enjoyed last year.